he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
