Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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