im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
