I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
