Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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