I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
