butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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