The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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