Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone đ
You ruined the universe
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
I should have known it wouldnât work. Someone saved in her phone as âSubway Sexâ called the week before the wedding
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