her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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