He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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