can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
