Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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