I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
