so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
