Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she peed on how many people?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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