Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
