i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
