Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
