Duck Duck Cougar?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
