it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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