Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Randomize
