I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
