how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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