I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
