I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
