Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
