guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
