if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
