you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
