sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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