I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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