I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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