I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
