Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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