Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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