i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
