stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
