I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
