Soap is not a condiment
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
