My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
