I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
