Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
