There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
