whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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