You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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