Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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