I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
