dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
