fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
