i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
