The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
