I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
