I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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