yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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